Do deaf and hard-of-hearing grandparents think that their hearing loss affects their relationship with their grandchildren? Apparently many do, according to responses to Hearing Health’s survey on grandparenting with hearing loss in the Winter 2003 issue. The good news, though, is that most have found positive ways to cope with this sometimes disruptive dynamic.
Apparently the topic struck a chord because we received our biggest batch of survey responses to date. Of course, we aren’t surprised because it seems that when you start a conversation about grandchildren, you’re going to be rewarded with numerous contributions from everyone in the vicinity who has them or wishes they did.
Our survey participants are an equal mix of grandfathers and grandmothers, ages 42 to 92, married and single (including widowed), with anywhere from one to 50 grandchildren and hearing loss ranging from mild to profound. A few are sole caregivers, raising their grand- or great-grandchildren. Though most began losing their hearing between the ages of 60 and 80, some have been deaf or hard-of-hearing all their lives.
When asked if their hearing loss affects the ability to fulfill the role they wish to play in the lives of their grandchildren, 22% said that it often does while a majority 57% admitted that it is sometimes an obstacle. Only 20% claimed hearing loss does not interfere at all.
And how did these grandparents describe their role? In balanced and healthy ways: 80% focused on emotional support and guidance as their primary “responsibility”
to their grandchildren while three-quarters chose having fun with them.
And 65 percent agreed that giving emotional support and guidance to the parents of their grandchildren is an important part of their lives. Only 27% indicated their role is to help grandchildren financially. “Hands-on” grandparenting is not rare either with
38% babysitting on a regular basis and still others providing “spiritual guidance,”
“educational experiences” and/or instruction in “fundamentals of sports.”
In answer to a question on the quality of their relationships, one aspect that
a third of the respondents would like to change is the amount of time spent with their grandchildren. “If we lived closer and saw each other more … ” and “We don’t see each other often … ” were two recurring comments. Of course, this is a common situation in today’s world where families are often separated by distance and preoccupation with work and school demands.
There were some respondents that attributed the lack of sufficient time with their grandchildren to the parents not understanding about hearing loss. Though a parent's attitude about a grandparent’s hearing loss is a possible deterrent to relationships, 86% of our participants clearly stated this is not apparent in their families. However, 14% indicated parents’ attitude is a factor and some of these grandparents indicated that they wish the parents would be “more open-minded” about hearing loss.
While over half of our respondents have discussed hearing loss with their grandchildren, 45% have not. For some, it doesn’t seem necessary. As one explains, “Because my grandson has grown up with my deafness and never knew me any other way, he is
very patient and understanding with me. We share a lot of laughs over my ‘goofs’ in hearing.”
A majority 55% indicated they are not satisfied with the quality of communication with their grandchildren, noting that “hearing better” would improve things. Some thought their grandchildren should be more sensitive to their communication needs; 19% suggested that they “be more respectful,” “use proper English” or “speak slower and directly.” Many reported “trouble understanding young children’s high-pitched voices.”
A predominant 90% of respondents use spoken language as their primary mode of communication. Only a few use sign language as their primary method but about a quarter indicated they sometimes use sign language or gestures with their grandchildren or enlist good old-fashioned paper and pencil. Interestingly, when discussing their usual methods of communication, only a third said they are always comfortable and over half indicated they are only sometimes comfortable when interacting with their grandchildren.
Despite the obstacles, there seem to be a good many activities for grandparents and grandchildren to share. Half watch movies or TV together, over a third participate in/watch sports, a third
vacation together, 44% attend school/church activities and 22% help their grandchildren with homework. Others reported reading to their grandchildren or serving as “a generation gap buffer.”
Will taking part in this survey make a difference in the grandparents’ lives? Yes and no. A third of the respondents who said they had not discussed their hearing loss with their grandchildren said they would now talk about this issue with their families, 10% said they would discuss it with friends and 15% said they plan to increase the amount of time they spend with their grandchildren. But half indicated that they would take no action and for some, it may not be necessary. As one grandparent explains, “My grandchildren are comfortable with my deafness. They understand that this hearing loss is a part of me, like my hair, eyes and size. They are growing up knowing about deafness.”
Juli A. Ginn is an English teacher and freelance writer who also publishes Women Aloud, an empowering newsletter. She has three adult daughters and lives in Brandsville, Mo., with her husband James. She can be reached at women_aloud@yahoo.com.
