I first heard about my husband, John Humphreys, in 2003 while attending the Baltimore premiere of “Jacob’s Journey,” a documentary based on the decision of two Deaf parents, Jonathan and Tania Samson, to get a cochlear implant for their son, Jacob. After I got to know the Samsons in person, they asked me, “Are you dating anyone?” To which I responded, “No, not at the moment!” They exclaimed, “We must set you up with our friend John! He’s a Christian, like you, and wears a cochlear implant.” It turned out that John was the same man who appeared in “Jacob’s Journey” – of whom I had thought upon viewing the film, “I’d love to meet that man someday!”
Shortly after we were introduced, I received my first e-mail from John and after several weeks of correspondence, we met in Washington, D.C. We took a five-day road trip through the southern states, giving us ample time for conversation and to learn about each other. Two years later, on July 1, 2005, we were married in my hometown of Seattle. It was an exquisite day.
On the road to marital bliss, I learned a few strategies for successful courting with hearing loss. And I’m finding that what works in courtship can be well applied to married life, too!
Finding Good Candidates
• Try new hobbies you’ve always wanted to check out. Travel, join book clubs, entertain people at your home. Consider your church or a youth group.
• Keep in touch with your friends. They may have someone in mind for you!
• When meeting people, be yourself! Also, be open-minded and willing to meet people who are not necessarily exactly like you. Opposites attract!
Getting the Date
• Honesty from the beginning is appreciated by the hearing date. If he or she really cares about you, the individual will make the relationship work.
• If someone asks for your phone number and you’re not comfortable using the phone, don’t be afraid to give your email address or pager number. It’s up to you when and if you wish to disclose your Deafness. Pagers really facilitate communication with a Deaf individual and are a great alternative to using the phone.
• Don’t nod your head when you don’t understand. Be open and honest about your needs. Nodding your head and smiling to, “What time should I pick you up?” will confuse potential suitors.
Making it Great
• Dine at well-lit and quiet restaurants to aid speech reading and understanding. Keep background noise to a minimum; it is easier for the person who is Deaf and much more romantic too.
• Research well-lit and quiet dating spots or activities, such as parks, tennis tournaments, hiking and road trips. Be ready with a suggestion when that question comes up, “What would you like to do next?”
• Renting subtitled DVDs or taking in a movie at a theater with Rear Window Captioning makes for a great date.
• When it’s dark, find a spot that is lit, such as a streetlight, or use a flashlight to help you communicate in the dark.
• Always come prepared for a date with fresh batteries! You don’t want your batteries to die in the middle of an intimate conversation or a productive discussion.
Making it Last
• Find and participate in hobbies you both enjoy. If communication becomes a barrier, actively pursue a solution.
• Smile, be yourself and have fun! You never know what will happen. A person in love with you will love you for who you are and will work with you to make the relationship last. n
Andrea Langhout Humphreys is married to John Humphreys and lives in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Andrea lost her hearing as a result of spinal meningitis in early childhood. She wore hearing aids for 15 years and for the past nine years has enjoyed hearing with a cochlear implant. Andrea has a Masters of Arts in teaching with a diploma in deaf education and is pursuing a career in deaf education. Andrea enjoys spending time with her husband, family and friends; traveling, recreational sports and the arts and teaching deaf children to listen and talk.
